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读好书—《He’s just not that into you》

全世界女生都该看的渣男鉴别手册

回忆下你是否经历过以下的场景。

每次你和闺蜜抱怨,哎呀,这个男生还没有回我消息啊,他是不是对我不感兴趣呢?你的闺蜜为了顾及你的感受,会说出你心里想要的那个答案,可能他是个不太主动的性格,他的手机没电了,他工作很忙,他在飞机上,他家里死人了。。。但事实就是,他真的没那么喜欢你哟,赶快开始找下一个吧。

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今天这本书应该大家都有听说,就是那句著名的slogan,“他并没有那么喜欢你”的英文版,“He is just not that into you".

我在图书馆找到这本书,被翻得破破烂烂的封面告诉我这是本有故事的书。没办法,大家都希望找到世界难题的答案呀—他到底喜不喜欢我呢?

2

作者是大名鼎鼎的Sex and the City欲望都市的编剧和顾问。

3

这本书的电影版也有,中文翻译很直接的是“自作多情”,哈哈哈;那个啥“其实你不懂他的心”翻译得过于矫情和温和了。我看了,翻拍地还不错,女生都很漂亮。

4

这本书先分为12个部分 ,每个标题都是"如果他……那他没那么喜欢你”。每个章节集案例,道理,事后终于get到了为一体,以读者来信和作者(男性)犀利回复,以及另一名作者(女性)依据自己的过往经历表达女性视角的形式。

5

整本书很血淋淋,让你的玻璃心秒碎。

6

特别强悍的是,作者预测到在看完前面12章,你可能还是会安慰自己说,不是啊,我朋友的姐姐遇到一个跟她分手的男生,后来她又主动追了这位男生, 最后他们结婚了并且很幸福。作者恶狠狠地告诉我们“不要听信那些故事好不啦,那些都是例外,很少见。为了不浪费青春,请遵守大众常识吧。”

7

我们再回到前面的世界难题上—他到底喜不喜欢我呢?其实,你一旦有了这个怀疑,十有八九他就不那么喜欢你。

It’s hard. We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side.
很难呀,因为我们从小被教育要积极,看到事情好的一面。而在感情上,我们需要看到不好的一面。

We go out with someone, we get excited about them, and then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us. Then we go into hyper-excuse mode for weeks or possibly months, because the last thing we want to think is that this great man that we are so excited about is in the process of turning into a creep. We try to come up with some explanation for why they’re behaving that way, any explanation, no matter how ridiculous, than the one explanation that’s the truth: He’s just not that into me.
我们遇到一个人,喜欢上他,接着他做了些让你失望伤心的事,然后再三让你失望。然后我们进入为他疯狂找借口的模式中。我们找很多荒谬的借口,却不愿相信其实他就是不喜欢我们。

we would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us. We are pathetic.
男人宁愿断只胳膊都不会告诉你他不喜欢你的。

Hey. I know that guy you’re dating. Yeah, I do. He’s that guy that’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about. He just got a new apartment and the move is a bitch. As soon as it all calms down he’ll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he’s so complicated.
哈哈,大家交往的男人是不是都是这样的:我工作好累,压力很大,刚经历了崩溃的分手,父母离婚让我不那么相信爱情了,现在正是我拼事业的时候,我很迷茫,我刚搬家一团糟,等缓和下来我会离开自己的女朋友,老婆,工作的。

Don’t let the “honeys” and “babys” fool you. They are much easier to say than “I’m just not that into you.”
别让“亲爱的”“宝贝”糊弄了你。

Men are never too busy to get what they want.
男人想得到一件东西时,才不会忙呢。

“Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating.
“忙”的意思是“渣男”,“渣男”就是你现在约会的那个哟。

You deserve a fucking phone call.
你难道不值得给打个电话吗?

Just because he’s busy doesn’t make him more valuable.
他很忙并不代表着他很珍贵。

Don’t lower the bar because you’re lonely.
别因为寂寞而降低标准。

There is no excuse for cheating.
出轨的人是没有任何借口的。

It’s very easy to feel stupid about wanting to get married, particularly when you’re with someone who doesn’t
渴望结婚的时候很容易觉得自己很愚蠢,尤其是对方说自己不想结婚的时候。

But if you feel that you’re spending a lot of energy trying to change yourself into something you think will make him happier, then divorce yourself from him and move on. Don’t let him make you feel stupid about wanting to feel loved.
如果你觉得自己为了让他开心很努力地改变自己的时候,你该分手了。不要因为他让你觉得自己好蠢啊。(你知道改变有多痛苦吗?)

In the short term it might feel good to call someone and yell at him. But in the long run, you will have wished that you had not given him that much credit for ruining your life.
短期内你可能会因为打了电话或者吼了几句觉得好受一点,过段时间你会后悔自己浪费了生命。

You picked a lemon. Throw it away. Lemonade is overrated.
你捡了个柠檬,就扔了吧。(别相信什么把柠檬变成柠檬水的屁话,那不适用于感情里。)

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
不管你多喜欢一个人,如果别人不回应的话,那就啥也不是。

I know things seem a lot easier when your affair is with a man whose wife is an evil, shrieking, insulting hag. No matter what their relationship or circumstances are, you are still helping a man cheat on his wife.
如果对方老婆很可怕,你出轨别人老公可能会觉得好受一点。但是,无论如何,你都是在出轨别人老公。

There are the stories. Guys that get pursued by some girl first and she ends up being the love of his life; the guy that treats this girl that he sometimes sleeps with like shit for a couple of years, but she keeps at him and now he’s a devoted husband and father; the guy who doesn’t call a girl that he’s slept with for a month, and then calls her and they live happily ever after; the woman who is sleeping with the married guy who she ends up marrying and having a blissful long-term marriage with. We don’t want you to listen to these stories. These stories don’t help you. These stories are the exceptions to the rule.
总有那么些故事。比如,女生主动追的男生,最后他们幸福地生活在了一起;男生开始对“pao you"女生特别不好,后来女生坚持不放弃,男生改邪归正,成了模范老公和爸爸,他们幸福地生活在了一起;男生好几个月没给女生打电话,后来有一天又打了电话,最后他们幸福地生活在一起;有个女生和别人家老公好上了,后来他俩结婚了幸福地生活在一起。别相信这些故事,这些故事不会给你任何帮助,这些都只是例外。

总之看完这本书我的直接感受是,等我有了女儿,一定要让她早早读这本书。

读好书—《He’s just not that into you》
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